Joke

[Axilla]

does axilla have a problem with jews?

I was raised jewish...I'm athiest/agnostic now but my heritage is judaism

[Matt]

I am definately not racist. My best friend is an indian (not like native american...as in born in India). I have two close friends that are black. We all joke all the time and I laugh so much at the black jokes simply because they are funny. I mean they crack on me all the time....

[Nathan]

I am definately not racist. My best friend is an indian (not like native american...as in born in India). I have two close friends that are black. We all joke all the time and I laugh so much at the black jokes simply because they are funny. I mean they crack on me all the time....

this post is prob going to be deleted by phase but i'll post it any way
i have the same view as kooltab
im not racist but the jokes are funny

[Matt]

I am definately not racist. My best friend is an indian (not like native american...as in born in India). I have two close friends that are black. We all joke all the time and I laugh so much at the black jokes simply because they are funny. I mean they crack on me all the time....

this post is prob going to be deleted by phase but i'll post it any way
i have the same view as kooltab
im not racist but the jokes are funny

Why would the post be deleted? Its not like you are bashing anyone or acting silly....

[Anthony]

Matt is GAY!

You silly guy you.

[Nathan]

Matt is GAY!

You silly guy you.

i told you all silly is a gay word

and kooltab
you might not have known this but phase deleted 10 of my posts in here yesterday
so i dont know what stays anymore
also i wasnt bashing anyone in all of the posts that got deleted

[Nathan]

What does J.Lo and a doorknobs have in common?
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Everyone gets a turn.

[Nathan]

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
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A brunette with bad breath.

[insomica]

25 ways to check to see if your white trash

1. The Halloweenpumpkin has more teeth then your spouse.
2. You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
3.You've been married 3 times and still have the same in~laws.
4.You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different league.
5.Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
6.You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
7.Anyone in your family ever died right after saying "Hey y'all watch this".
8.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
9.Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10.Your junior prom had a daycare.
11.You think the last words of The Star Spangled Banner are,"Gentleman start your engines"
12.you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
13.The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14.You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17.You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
18.You think loading a dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.
19.Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20.Somebody hollers "Hoe down" and your girlfriend hits the floor"
21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they say "Cool Whip" on the side.
22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal~Mart.
23.Your working tv sits on top of your non~working R.V.
24.Your neighbours think you're a detective because the cops always bring you home.
25.You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

[fuuucckkers]

Matt is GAY!

You silly guy you.

i told you all silly is a gay word

Oh stop it .. You silly goose!

[Nathan]

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

omg that is so true
and im not being a silly little guy

[Timelessblur]

A Programmer and an Engineer
A programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angelos to New York. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I pay you $5."

Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says "Ok, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question: "What is the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The engineer doesn’t say a word, but simply reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the programmer. Now, it’s the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with the modem and searches the net and the library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his coworkers – all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. He politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks, "Well, so what’s the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

[Timelessblur]

YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER...
If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"

If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

If you want an 500X CD-ROM for Christmas

If Dilbert is your hero

If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes (bonus points if you have more than 6 recorded on video tape).

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

If you window shop at Radio Shack

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies

If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area

If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run

If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment

If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is

If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

If you own "Official Star Trek" anything

If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside

If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project

If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor

If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

If you have never backed-up your hard drive

If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud

If you truly believe aliens are living among us

If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"

If you see a good design and still have to change it

If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind

If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

If you have more toys than your kids

If you need a checklist to turn on the TV

If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you shove up to the front to fix it

If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary

If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already

If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for

If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal

If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use

If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

If people groan at the party when you pick out the music

If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

If you did the sound system for your senior prom

If your checkbook always balances

If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life

If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers

If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

If you spend more on your home computer than your car

If you know what http:// stands for (bonus points if you actually care)

If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio

If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage

If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory

If your lap-top computer costs more than your car

If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

[Jon8RFC]

Bravo, Timeless, bravo! I lol'd at the programmer/engineer joke, that was a great one, very unique

Hehe, the "you know you're a..." was great too. There were quite a few things on that list, I was down.

[Robpol86]

lol, those were good. @first i was damned if i would read all that, then i rememberd my abundance of free time